How to Stalk a Guy
by tiny.coco.chan
Summary: Hinata shares her secrets on how to stalk guys! *Permanent Hiatus*
1. FaceBook

**As some of you may have noticed, Hinata's awesome at stalking Naruto! This takes great skill that only a kunoichi like Hinata can pull off! ^_^**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto nor FaceBook.**

_Audio Preview_

Written Documents

The Guide

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_Hinata: Hello, everyone! This is my guide on how to stalk the ones you admire most. I consider myself to be very experienced in this field…_

_Kiba: Wow, Hinata! Is that all you gotta say? You should get your fans pumped up! Right Akamaru?_

_Akamaru: Bark! Bark!_

_Hinata: Oh, hello, Kiba-kun…_

_Kiba: Oh yeah, sorry for barging in, Hinata. I saw that you were talking into this recording thingy. So I thought I would just drop in to see what you were doing. If I was a girl-_

_Naruto: HAHA! Kiba's gay! Why don't you make out with Sasuke? SASUKIBA!!!_

_Hinata: N-naruto-kun?_

_Kiba: What?!? I never said that! I was just going to say that if I was a girl, I would think that this guide would be helpful. But I'm not a girl! I'm MANLY!_

_Akamaru: Bark! Bark!_

_Kiba: Aw, shut up, Akamaru!_

_Hinata: A-anyway, before the beginning of each chapter of the guide, r-remember to listen to the audio that goes with it… N-naruto-kun… *sigh*_

_Naruto: BELIEVE IT!_

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Objective: Gather Basic Information

Subject: Uzumaki Naruto

Location: FaceBook

I have just gained access to the subject's FaceBook profile. His profile picture has him holding a bowl of ramen. He's grinning ear to ear and- okay, I can't take it! I just HAVE to save this picture onto my computer. It's going to be my new desktop background! Oh wait, what if Hanabi sees it? She's always snooping around my room, that brat.

Oops, I got distracted. Okay, let's read the basic information…

Network: Konohagakure 

(JUST LIKE MINE!!! AHHH!!!)

Sex: Male 

(yay)

Birthday: October 10 

(He's a Libra! And I'm a Capricorn! We're destined for each other! Oops, now I sound like Neji-nii-san.)

Relationship Status: It's Complicated

(Wait, what?!? I hope he's talking about his feelings for me… Don't worry; I'll gladly go out with him!)

Okay, that's all I had to do for this mission. Wow, that was pretty short and easy…

Now I'm going to download all of his photos onto my computer! (Who cares if Hanabi sees it? She's a brat, anyway.) I'm going to make a slide show out of them. Then Naruto-kun and I will laugh about it when we watch it on our wedding day?

Now which song should I choose for my slide show? I was thinking of something along the lines of "Sk8r Boi" by Avril Lavigne. It perfectly describes the relationship between Naruto-kun, Sakura-chan, and me. I can't believe that he has a crush on her of all people! Her hair is pink! PINK! Is that even normal??

Oh, look! Naruto-kun just updated his status!

NARUTO UZUMAKI can't wait to go to Ichikaru's Ramen Bar!

Hmm… I think I know what my next objective will be.

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	2. DNA

**Yeah, I know that this chapter is really short and pretty much sucks.**

**It's just that I felt bad about not posting in a while. So I whipped this up in a couple of minutes.**

**Rate and Review! Please??**

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_Audio Preview_

Written Documents

The Guide

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_Kiba: Helloooo? Is this thing on?_

_Akamaru: Bark! Bark!_

_Kiba: Huh Akamaru, I guess it is! Hey everyone, guess what? I know who Shina has a crush on! It's-_

_Shino: I suggest you stop playing with Hinata's sound equipment. After all, she uses this to record audio before every chapter of her new guide._

_Kiba: Hahaha! I knew you'd come running over here! I know who your secret lover is! That reminds me; do you know how to work these things? I want to make my voice sound deeper and sexier._

_Hinata: Um, Kiba-kun…_

_Kiba: Oh, hi Hinata! Shino was messing around with your recording thingy. I tried to stop him; I swear. Shino, you're such a rebel!_

_Shino: You shouldn't swear, especially on lies._

_Kiba: Shut up, Shino! At least I don't collect bugs!_

_Shino: At least I don't collect boogers._

_Kiba: Hey, take that back!!!!! It's not my fault that my nose likes to produce extra treasure!!!!!_

_Hinata: Anyway, this next chapter is about extracting DNA. After reading the guide, you can try practicing at home!_

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Objective: Gather DNA

Subject: Uzumaki Naruto

Location: Ichikaru's Ramen Bar

I have just spotted the subject eating his—ninth, tenth?—bowl of ramen. Wow, he sure does eat a lot…

It's a good thing I love to cook!

When we're married, I'll make sure that both his stomach and heart is full! I'll be heiress of the Hyuga clan and the perfect wife. Plus, Sakura-chan will be weeping over the loss of Naruto-kun because he's mine.

HE'S MINE!!!! Mmwahahaha! Hanabi will be so jealous of me, that brat.

Anyway, I have to wait for him to leave Ichikaru's Ramen Bar so I can get one of his bowls. Then I shall extract a stray eyelash that has fallen in it. Or I can just collect the saliva.

It doesn't matter; either way I'll have part of Naruto-kun's body!

Oh, Naruto-kun is finishing his last bowl of ramen! He's leaving…

It's time to get into action!

Yay, I have one of the bowls! Now let's see if there's any traces of DNA. Hm, there's no hair or anything. I'll guess I'll just have to get his saliva!

Now where did I put that cotton ball…?

Oh, there it is; and now I have it! I HAVE NARUTO-KUN'S SPIT ON A COTTON BALL! I'm so happy that I could faint!

In fact, uh-oh.


End file.
